Brooke speaking here:
I'm going to be frank here because I just want to show you the other emotional & raw aspect of the adoption process.
I had.... let's say, a mini emotional meltdown a while ago.
We received some disappointing news that the surgery didn't go well due to many post-op health complications with the little boy we were rooting for. Thus, we are not a suitable family for him anymore. Our hearts sank. It was VERY disheartening for us. I think I took it a little bit hard, because I had high hopes on that little boy. I fell in love with the picture of the adorable boy, especially with his cheeky dimples. I kicked myself for having high hopes and I kept preaching to myself, "don't have high hopes, don't have high hopes!" Because anything could happen... like this situation. It's like when I want something badly, I absorb and soak in the entire experience, which is difficult for me to hold back and take it easy. I even questioned myself if the doctors in Colombia were as good as the doctors here in the United States? I felt like the surgery ruined the whole process for that little boy. I was mad. I was upset. We were this close to lock on this little peanut. We are more than ready to be parents.
Back to square one. I feel hopeless. Seriously, what's our next step?
"Difficulties are opportunities to better things, they are stepping stones to greater experience. Perhaps, some day you will be thankful for some temporary failure in a particular direction. When one door closes, another always opens, as a natural law it has to be, to balance."
True. We'll look at this experience as a stepping stone (fingers crossed) to something greater. It's difficult to stay optimistic because we do not have many who could relate with our experiences. However, we had a recent discussion with our adoption agency for their honest opinion on what we should do next. They are the experts in this field. We have waited for a year and nearly three months. Is there something we need to change? Our criteria? Should we look into adopting from another country? Our agency emphasized that Colombia is already a SMALL country to begin with, thus the amount of available Deaf children is slim. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack.
We are between a rock and a hard place.
We talked with families and close friends about this situation and about possibly making a decision. What's the decision? It's looking more and more likely that we'll look into adopting from China. Our agency sent us several files on Deaf orphans there and we felt a glimmer of hope for us there. The orphans are ready and waiting. The country switch will not affect our expenses or lose our investments. Our agency is willing to transfer everything to China. There are some things we need to check with but this seems like our next move at this point.
There are a lot of buts. I'm thinking like...but we've invested in Colombia so much, especially with adoption fundraisers. Colombia puzzle, Colombia t-shirts, Colombia this and that. I feel like I'm a traitor for willing to consider about switching countries. Brian made a valid point, "It's all about giving a child a home no matter from where." My mom pointed it out that those are just materials. We could look at those as stepping stones to guide us to somewhere else to reach our goal of giving and bringing a child home. We could easily transfer all the puzzles that people donated for Colombia to a new China puzzle. The shirts represent an important aspect of our adoption journey that it didn't work out, but it steered our direction to something greater. True. Although, I'm still having mixed feelings. It's difficult to consider this because I was truly mind set on Colombia with my whole heart and then... it didn't really work out the way we wanted it to be. I think I'm still struggling to grasp the fact that some things are not meant to be. Like I mentioned, we are between a rock and a hard place.
We will update you all with what our decision will be soon.
Your thoughts and prayers will be very much appreciated.
Much love,
Brooke & Brian
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